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Friday, March 28, 2014

Alone

  I am a ridiculous person.

  Just know this now.

  Actually, you may have already known that fact, but I'm stating it anyway. My reason for this statement? I'm on my second night of crying as I climb into bed, and I foresee myself continuing this habit for probably another week. Folks, I'm four months shy of turning 22, and here I am crying myself to sleep when dusk falls. I'm too old for this. Yet I'm doing it anyway. Why? Because I'm lonely. 

  I moved into the loft two days ago. It's just little ol' me up here. Me, plus the spiders and mice that share this place, anyway... It's dark, unfamiliar, chilly because I can't get the wood stove heated up due to the ash tray having technical difficulties, and frankly... I hate being alone. I just really, really, really hate being alone at night. 

  I'm sure I'll get used to this in time... Things will become familiar, I'll get the wood stove fixed tomorrow, the cat will fix the mouse problem... My hope is that in a week I'll be able to act like a normal adult who doesn't mind being alone at night. But right now? Well, right now I'm propped up in bed with tears streaking my cheeks. I've brought Gyp to bed with me tonight to fight against some of the loneliness, and I will somewhat sheepishly even admit that I'm wearing a sweater, that I pilfered from my boyfriend, to act as a security blanket. 

  I hate nighttime these days... After dinner, I begin to feel a knot forming in the pit of my stomach; it grows and intensifies as the hours fall away. Pretty soon it's time: Time for me to walk up to the loft and spend the next 8 - 9 hours in darkness, silence, and isolation. 

  I really hope I get used to this soon... In the meantime, all I've got is a dog and a red sweater to help me through.

  Any advice on how to get over this little problem? I would really love to hear some wisdom right now.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hurry up and get married. Or, put Christmas lights up and buy a Guinea Pig...Or all three!

<3 Tasha

Goat Song said...

I'm really not sure which one of those suggestions is funnier! LOL!! Christmas lights would be fun though. :)

Kaia said...

Did you have to move back out to the loft or why did you? I have a bedroom away from the house in the shop but I love it. Could be due to the facts of no mice, heated, etc. haha! Christmas lights would be good to "cozy it up," and what about rugs or something also? Bring a couple good books :)

alissasandersonphoto said...

The Christmas lights are a great idea. I LOVED living alone in my first apartment, but the dark nights were hard. I had colored lights in the bedroom...just enough light to hold back the darkness but not so much I couldn't sleep. If you didn't want to string them up you could stuff them in a mason jar beside your bed :-)

Anonymous said...

Hi this is a somewhat personal question but did you meet your boyfriend in MO? Is he one of the guys in the picture? I am from MO and one of the guys looks familiar to me. I don't like sleeping in a house or tent by myself either:)

Illinois Lori said...

Yes, I just re-read this and saw the "boyfriend" comment, too! Someone from back home, or from MO? :-)