Friday, April 20, 2012

I Am A Fool

"One of the gorgeous and highly annoying things about Mark's personality is that once he bites into an idea, he'll worry it to death, exploring every possibility, expanding it to the point of absurdity and then shrinking it back down, molding it around different premises, and bending logic, when necessary, to cram it into a given situation. No matter what he is doing or saying or thinking, the idea is perking away in the background of his formidable brain, details accruing. Bits of it will surface, iceberglike, in a burst of chatter, but the bulk of it remains hidden until the whole thing appears at once, fully formed and fiercely defended."
~Excerpt from 'The Dirty Life', by Kristin Kimball

I always get a chuckle when I read the above excerpt while reading through The Dirty Life. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who plots that way... But yes, that is how I work. I am a silent thinker. An idea starts out as a tiny, niggling thought that won't go away. Then it grows into a question in which I will move heaven and earth to find an answer. Then the light bulb comes on and I start devouring every bit of information I can find, and the wheels in my head start moving at a dangerous pace. But on the outside, I am silent. I have a million different ideas perking in this rusty trap of mine, and they perk away both day and night no matter what's going on. But only those who know me really well can tell that I'm busy hatching a new plot. 

 My ideas range from sensible and practical, to wild and absurd. Far flung schemes that could only be pulled off by a foolhardy person; strategies so detailed yet often lacking some important factor. Diagrams outlined well enough to impress a military officer. I am never bored as long as I have a pen and paper.

 And then... When I've finally figured out all the crooks and grannies (er, *cough, cough*, I mean nooks and crannies) and my plan is laid out looking like a general's war plan, I present the case...

And of course, being the foolhardy, light bulb idea, type of person that I am, these ideas don't always look so fool proof to others. Great minds may think alike, but what happens when the dare taker and the pragmatic collide? If there is one reason why I will probably never marry, this is it. I would most likely drive him crazy with my out-of-the-blue ideas and requests. 

I am a fool. And a dare devil. And a risk taker. And one who loves experimentation and the unknown. I grin at the thought of jumping into something before knowing all the details. And yet... I'm not so reckless as I make myself out to be... A reckless dreamer perhaps, but believe me, when a plan is finally told, it is because there has been months of worrying this idea to death. Expanding it and shrinking it. Shaking it by the scruff, and bawling it out. There is an entire notebook filled with pen scribbles, as this plot as been figured and re-figured. 

On the outside it looks like a fool's map leading to fool's gold.

But to the person who made the map and will be following it, it is the key to success. 

Call me a fool if you so like, but I rather enjoy scheming. It's the only reason I am where I am today, with a bunch of goats, a cow, rabbits, a garden, writing jobs, a book in the works, 130 chickens arriving next week, and who knows what else will happen. Had I never dared to dream and take my niggling thoughts seriously, I would probably still be raising Holland Lops for 4-H'ers, I would have never gone to Polyface Farms, and would most likely still be wondering if a single tree was a lone plant, or something you used with a draft animal.

 It all starts with a dream... Just a dream. Then you let it grow; see where it takes you. Let it grow so big that others laugh and it looks absurd. Then tame it down to something manageable. 

And then do it. Let's all be fools. The world may laugh, but if what we're doing makes us happy, why should we care? Whether that seemingly absurd dream is getting a hive of bees, a draft animal, a little garden, or your own land, just start letting it percolate. It's amazing what will start happening when you simply let the dream have some free rein. 

Things will start happening ma' dear... Things will start happening.


gz said...

Not many of us get to live our dreams because not many can face the hard mental and physical work that goes with that.

Yet it is worth all the hard work and heartache

Sherry said...

OH, how I wish that when I was 20 I had really thought about what I wanted and not been afraid.....I am now 52 and trying to do just a piece of the whole dream...and it is so much harder to do. I don't have the energy I had..and I have to be a bit realistic and look down the road 20 years and think about will I be ABLE to pull this off physically with no real help from others that don't share my dreams. GOOD FOR YOU..that you dream...and move forward. Mark Twain was SO right. Live life the way you dream won't regret that.